Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
