My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
