she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
