uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
