As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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