Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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