I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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