two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
