I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Boobs speak an international language.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
