I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
