I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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