True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
