I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
