1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
