sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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