i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
