what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize