I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
