Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
