whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
