Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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