apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
