he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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