My liver just broke up with me...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
