I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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