Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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