I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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