I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
