It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
