I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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