I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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