Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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