she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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