when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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