Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
