youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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