never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
