how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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