But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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