U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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