Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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