I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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