If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hippo gnu deer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
