xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she looked like the before picture.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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