Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
