It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
