I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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