What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
