and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
