i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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