Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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