At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
