new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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