you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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