How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
