Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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