I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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