Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Soap is not a condiment
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
