hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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