Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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