I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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