Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
