Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
