You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
