My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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