You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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