i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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