yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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