I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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