she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
