dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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