he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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