just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize