I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
