Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
