you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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