Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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