Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize