Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
