I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
