Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
