I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
