if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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