she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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