just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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