Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
