Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
