I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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